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It's the wildest, wackiest collection on the Web! Over 2000 "Classic & Current" messages, from silly to serious, from crude to classy, from raunchy to refined... They're all here! Search by category, or enter keywords into the search box below. And if you don't like these, just type in your own custom message!

Simply use your mouse to "Copy & Paste" the text of any message into our Design Center. If a message is too long, break it up using more than one line of text. You can then customize it any way you like. Your design can have up to 6 lines, using 90 font, 96 Text Icon, 20 color, & over 14,000 Edge Image choices!


School, Work, & Money (278 Listings)

99 Percent Of Lawyers Give The Rest A Bad Name

A Bad Day Fishing Is Still Better Than A Good Day At The Office

A Bartender Is Just A Pharmacist With A Limited Inventory

A Cubicle Is Just A Padded Cell Without A Door

A Fool And His Money Are Soon Partying

A Rich Man's Display Of Generosity Is Like A Dog Walking On His Hind Legs... It Is Rarely Done Well, But We Are Still Surprised To Find It Done At All

Adults Are Just Kids Who Owe Money

After Any Salary Raise, You Will Have Less Money At The End Of The Month Than You Did Before.

Ambition Is Merely Masked Avarice On Stilts

Anything Free Is Worth What You Paid For It

As Long As There Are Tests, There Will Be Prayer In Public Schools

At Work, The Authority Of A Person Is Inversely Proportional To The Number Of Pens That Person Is Carrying.

Axe Me About Ebonics

Bankrupt By Beanies

Being Of Sound Mind, I Spent It All

Books & History & Truth... Oh, My!

Born Free - Taxed To Death

Born To Shop

Borrow A Child's Imagination And...

Borrow Money From Pessimists - They Don't Expect It Back

Boycott Wal-Mart

Broke! Rob Me Only If You Need The Practice

Budget: A Method For Going Broke Methodically

By The Time You Can Make Ends Meet, They Move The Ends

Can I Trade This Job For What's Behind Door #2?

Change Is Inevitable, Except From A Vending Machine

College. We Drink More Before 9 Am Than Most People Drink All Day

Creativity Is More Important Than Knowledge - Einstein

Criminal Lawyer - A Redundancy

Despite The Cost Of Living, Have You Noticed How It Remains So Popular?

Do Cemetery Workers Prefer The Graveyard Shift?

Do I Look Like A People Person?

Do Pediatricians Play Miniature Golf On Wednesdays?

Doing Something Right The First Time Means Nobody Appreciates How Difficult It Was

Eat One Live Toad The First Thing In The Morning And Nothing Worse Will Happen To You The Rest Of The Day.

Education Prevents Prisons

Ever Stop To Think, And Forget To Start Again?

Everyone Has A Right To Be Stupid. Some Just Abuse The Privilege.

Facts Are Stubborn Things

Filthy Stinking Rich... Well, Two Out Of Three Ain't Bad

Financial Whiz: Expert At Pissing Away Money

First National Bank Of Dad - Sorry, Closed

Following The Rules Will Not Get The Job Done.

For Every School You Open, You Close Another Prison

Forget The Whales, Save The Cowboy

Friendly Checkout Clerk. Thanks For Keeping Me That Way!

Genius Is Childhood Recaptured

Get Your Rocks Off - Study Geology!

Getting The Job Done Is No Excuse For Not Following The Rules.

Great Spirits Have Always Encountered Violent Opposition From Mediocre Minds

Happy To Be Alive And Wasting My Life Here

Hard Work Has A Future Payoff But Laziness Pays Off Now

Have You Ever Noticed That Bills Travel Through The Mail At Twice The Speed Of Checks?

He Who Dies With The Most Toys Wins

He Who Sacrifices His Conscience To Ambition Burns A Picture To Obtain The Ashes

How About Never? Is Never Good For You?

Huked On Fonix Reely Wurked Fur Me

I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.

I Am Having An Out Of Money Experience

I Can Only Please One Teacher A Day And Today Is Not Your Day!

I Can Please Only One Person Per Day. Today Is Not Your Day. Tomorrow Isn't Looking Good Either.

I Can't Be Overdrawn, I Still Have Checks Left

I Don't Lie, Cheat, Or Steal Unnecessarily

I Don't Need Therapy, I Need Money

I Don't Work Here. I'm A Consultant.

I Have A Computer, A Vibrator, & Pizza Delivery. Why Should I Leave The House?

I Is A College Student

I Like You. You Remind Me Of When I Was Young And Stupid.

I Live For Books

I Love Daddy's Money

I Majored In Liberal Arts. Do You Want Fries With That?

I Majored In Liberal Arts. Will That Be For Here Or To Go?

I Only Work Here Because I've Become Accustomed To Certain Luxuries... Eating And Living Indoors

I Owe, I Owe, So Off To Work I Go!

I Pretend To Work. They Pretend To Pay Me.

I Souport Publik Edekashun

I Started Out With Nothing And I Still Have Most Of It Left

I Suffer From C.R.S. Can't Remember Shit

I Thought I Wanted A Career, Turns Out I Just Wanted Paychecks

I Took An IQ Test And The Results Were Negative

I Used Up All My Sick Days... So I Called In Dead

I Wanna Be Like Barbie. That Bitch Has Everything!

I Want It All

I Work 40 Hours A Week To Be This Poor

I.R.S.: We've Got What It Takes To Take What You've Got!

If A Book About Failures Doesn't Sell, Is It A Success?

If At First You Don't Succeed, Quit. No Use Being A Damn Fool About It.

If I Worked As Much As Others, I Would Do As Little As They

If Ignorance Is Bliss, You Must Be Orgasmic

If It Weren't For The Last Minute, Nothing Would Get Done

If Money Could Talk, It Would Say Good-Bye

If Only God Would Give Me Some Clear Sign... Like Making A Large Deposit In My Name At A Swiss Bank

If Stupidity Got Us Into This Mess, Then Why Can't It Get Us Out?

If Work Is So Terrific, How Come They Have To Pay You To Do It?

If You Are Given On Open-Book Exam, You Will Forget Your Book

If You Are Good, You Will Be Assigned All The Work. If You Are Really Good, You Will Get Out Of It.

If You Can Read This - Thank A Teacher!

If You Can't Get Your Work Done In The First 24 Hours, Work Nights.

If You Think Education Is Expensive Try Ignorance

If You Think Money Can't Buy Happiness, You Don't Know Where To Shop

If You Think Nobody Cares About You, Try Missing A Couple Of Payments

If You Think The System Is Working Ask Someone Who Isn't

If You're Cross-Eyed And Have Dyslexia, Can You Read All Right?

I'll Try Being Nicer If You'll Try Being Smarter

I'm Going To Graduate On Time, No Matter How Long It Takes

I'm Just Working Here Till A Good Fast-Food Job Opens Up

I'm So Broke, I Can't Even Pay Attention

Imagination Is More Important Than Knowledge - Einstein

Important Letters That Contain No Errors Will Develop Errors In The Mail.

Integrity Without Knowledge Is Useless, And Knowledge Without Integrity Is Dangerous

Irs: We've Got What It Takes To Take What You've Got

Is It Friday Yet?

Is There Another Word For Synonym?

Is There Life Before Coffee?

Isn't It A Bit Unnerving That Doctors Call What They Do Practice?

It Doesn't Matter What You Do; It Only Matters What You Say You've Done And What You're Going To Do.

It Is Better To Ask Some Of The Questions Than To Know All Of The Answers

It Is Better To Fail In Originality Than To Succeed In Imitation

It Is Much Easier To Apologize Than To Ask Permission.

It Sounds Like English, But I Can't Understand A Word You're Saying

It Will Be A Great Day When Our Schools Get All The Money They Need And The Air Force Has To Hold A Bake Sale

It's A Thankless Job, But I've Got A Lot Of Karma To Burn Off

It's Easy To Spot A True Genius: All The Dunces Are Against Him

It's Lonely At The Top, But You Eat Better

It's Not Hard To Meet Expenses, They're Everywhere

It's Not Your Money, It's Theirs... The-Irs!

Jesus Paid For Our Sins... Now Lets Get Our Money's Worth

Keep Working: Millions On Welfare Are Depending On You

Kissing May Be The Language Of Love But Money Still Does The Talking

Liberal Arts Major - Will Think For Food

Librarians Do It In Volume

Libraries Are For Lovers

Lifestyles Of The Poor And Unknown

Light Travels Faster Than Sound. This Is Why Some People Appear Bright Until You Hear Them Speak

Living In The Past Has One Advantage: It's Cheaper!

Lottery: A Tax On People Who Are Bad At Math

Make Polluters Pay

Many People Quit Looking For Work When They Find A Job

Minds Are Like Parachutes - They Only Function When Open

Monday Is An Awful Way To Spend 1/7th Of Your Life

Money Can't Buy Happiness... But It Sure Makes Misery Easier To Live With

Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch

Money Talks

Money Talks, But Mine Only Knows How To Say "Good-Bye"

Money Will Buy A Pretty Good Dog But It Won't Buy The Wag Of His Tail

More Jobs? What About Less People?

My 2nd Grader Is Smarter Than 19,000 Florida Voters!

My Child Can Beat Up Your Honor Student

My Child Is An Honor Student At The State Correctional Facility

My Child Slept With Your Honor Student

My Child Was Inmate Of The Month At County Jail

My Child Was Inmate Of The Month At The California Youth Correctional Facility

My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom

My Job Is So Secret, Even I Don't Know What It Is

My Kid Beat The Crap Out Of Your Honor Student

My Kid Beat Up Your Honor Student

My Kid Had Sex With Your Honor Student

My Lawyer Can Beat Up Your Lawyer

My Office: Hell With Fluorescent Lighting

My Parents Think I'm In College

My Take Home Pay Won't Take Me Home

Never Delay The Ending Of A Meeting Or The Beginning Of A Cocktail Hour.

Never Let Your Schooling Interfere With Your Education

No Condo / No MBA / No BMW

No Matter How Much You Do, You Never Do Enough.

Nothing In The Known Universe Travels Faster Than A Bad Check

Nurses Make It All Better

Of Course I Don't Look Busy - I Did It Right The First Time

On The Keyboard Of Life, Always Keep One Finger On The Escape Key.

Only One More Shopping Day Left Until Tomorrow

People Who Go To Conferences Are The Ones Who Shouldn't.

People Who Think They Know It All Really Annoy Those Of Us Who Do!

People Will Accept Your Ideas Much More Readily If You Tell Them That Benjamin Franklin Said It First.

Poverty Is Violence

Poverty Sucks

Programming Is An Art Form That Fights Back

Proofread Carefully To See If You Any Words Out

Question Assumptions

Reading Is To The Mind What Exercise Is To The Body

Reality Is For People Who Lack Imagination

Religion Stops A Thinking Mind

Religious Fundamentalism Stops A Thinking Mind

Remember That Overnight Success Usually Takes About 15 Years

Saw It - Wanted It - Had A Fit - Got It!

Shop ‘Til You Drop!

Shopaholic On Board

Someone Who Thinks Logically Is A Nice Contrast To The Real World

Sometimes Too Much Is Not Enough

Spoiled Rotten

Stop Poverty - Nuke The IRS

Support A Lawyer, Become A Doctor

Support Your Local Economy - Sustainable Economic Power Begins At Home

Support Your Local Public Library

Talent Develops In Tranquillity, Character In The Full Current Of Human Life

Taxation WITH Representation Isn't So Hot, Either!

Teachers Cannot Live On Apples Alone

Teachers Have Class

Teachers Make Little Things Count

Teachers Make You Do It Until You Get It Right

Teaching Is A Work Of Heart

Teamwork Is Essential If You Need To Spread The Blame

The Best Way To Get On Your Feet Is To Get Off Your Ass

The Best Way To Predict The Future Is To Invent It

The Difference Between Genius And Stupidity Is Genius Has Its Limits

The Earth Can No Longer Afford The Rich

The Greatest Luxury Of Being Rich Is That It Enables You To Escape So Much Good Advice

The Last Person That Quit Or Was Fired Will Be Held Responsible For Everything That Goes Wrong.

The Lottery Is A Tax On People Who Are Bad At Math

The Mind, Once Expanded To The Dimensions Of A Larger Idea, Never Returns To Its Original Size. - Oliver Wendell Holmes

The More Crap You Put Up With, The More Crap You Are Going To Get.

The More You Know The Less You Need

The More You Play, The More You Learn

The Most Violent Element In Society Is Ignorance

The Rat Race Is Over - The Rats Won

The Sooner You Fall Behind, The More Time You'll Have To Catch Up

The Trouble With Being In The Rat Race Is That Even If You Win, You're Still A Rat.

The Truly Educated Never Graduate

The Two Most Common Elements In The Universe Are Hydrogen And Stupidity

The Way To Get Things Done Is Not To Mind Who Gets The Credit Of Doing Them

The World Is A Book, And Those Who Do Not Travel Read Only A Page

The Worst Day Fishing Is Better Than The Best Day Working

There Are Three Ingredients In The Good Life: Learning, Earning And Yearning

There Is No Great Genius Without A Touch Of Madness

There Is No Substitute For Genuine Lack Of Preparation

There Is One Thing Stronger Than All The Armies In The World, And That Is An Idea Whose Time Has Come

There Will Always Be Beer Cans Rolling On The Floor Of Your Car When The Boss Asks For A Ride Home From The Office.

There's No Speed Limit On The Information Superhighway

This Isn't An Office. It's Hell With Fluorescent Lighting.

Those Who Abandon Their Dreams Will Discourage Yours

Those Who Believe Money Will Do Everything May Well Be Suspected Of Doing Everything For Money

Time Is The Best Teacher. Unfortunately It Kills All Its Students!

To Err Is Human, To Forgive Is Not Our Policy.

To Steal From One Is Plagiarism. To Steal From Many Is Research

Union!

University State College

Vacuuming Sucks!

Veni, Vedi, Visa: I Came, I Saw, I Did A Little Shopping

We Are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated

We Are What We Believe

We Teach People How To Remember, We Never Teach Them How To Grow

We're Spending Our Kid's Inheritance

What Do You Mean I Can't Pay Off My Visa With My Mastercard?

What If There Were No Hypothetical Questions?

What Is A "Free" Gift ? Aren't All Gifts Free?

What We Learn With Pleasure We Never Forget

What Wisdom Can You Find Greater Than Kindness

What's Another Word For Thesaurus?

When All Think Alike, No One Thinks Very Much

When The Bosses Talk About Improving Productivity, They Are Never Talking About Themselves.

When You Do A Good Deed, Get A Receipt, In Case Heaven Is Like The IRS

When You Don't Know What To Do, Walk Fast And Look Worried.

Where Do Forest Rangers Go To Get Away From It All?

Where The Hell Is Easy Street?

Where There's A Will, I Want To Be In It!

Which Came First? The Woman Or The Department Store?

Whisper My Favorite Words: I'll Buy It For You

Who Owns You?

Why Can't I Be Rich And Good Looking?

Why I Can't Be Rich Instead Of Good Looking?

Will Work For Ammo

Will Work For Food - Will Beg For Sex

Witches Are Crafty People

Work Harder. Millions On Welfare Depend On You!

Work Is For People Who Don't Know How To Fish

You Are Always Doing Something Marginal When The Boss Drops By Your Desk.

You Are Depriving Some Poor Village Of Its Idiot

You Are Not What You Own

You Can Always Tell A Harvard Man, But You Can't Tell Him Much

You Can Go Anywhere You Want If You Look Serious And Carry A Clipboard.

You Fell Out Of The Stupid Tree And Hit Every Branch On The Way Down

You Have An Intellect Rivaled Only By Garden Tools

You May Be Disappointed If You Fail, But You Are Doomed If You Don't Try

You Never Really Learn To Swear Until You Learn To Drive

Your College Sucks

Your Kid May Be An Honor Student But You're Still An Idiot!

Your Kid's An Honor Student, But You're A Moron

You're Never Too Old To Learn

You're Under Too Much Stress When You Wake Up Screaming And You Haven't Even Fallen Asleep Yet

BROWSE CATEGORY LISTINGS - OVER 2000 MESSAGES

Alarm Tailgaters
Art & Media
Attitude!
Battle Of The Sexes
Driving
Environmental
Family, Kids & Pets
Generation Gap
Health
I Brake For...
I Love...
I'd Rather...
Just Silly
Love & Sex
Mental Health
My Other Car...
Optimistic
Pessimistic
Philosophical
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School, Work & Money
Sick & Twisted
Sports & Leisure

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