Bush: Our First Anointed President. There Goes The Separation Of Church And State (81)
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Christians: You Can't Live With Them And You Can't Feed Them To The Lions Anymore (81)
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Every Child Is An Artist - The Problem Is How To Remain An Artist Once We Grow Up (81)
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George III, George Sr., George Jr.,... The Hereditary Monarchy Has Been Restored! (81)
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Just Living Is Not Enough... One Must Have Sunshine, Freedom, And A Little Flower (81)
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Kerry - Endorsed By Iran, North Korea, Cuba, Islamic Jihad, Hesbollah, And Hamas. (81)
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Men Are Like Crystal - Some Look Real Good, But You Can Still See Right Thru Them (81)
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The Most Important Thing A Father Can Do For His Children Is To Love Their Mother (81)
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The Most Important Thing A Mother Can Do For Her Children Is To Love Their Father (81)
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There Are Two Rules For Ultimate Success In Life. Never Tell Everything You Know. (81)
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A Lot Of Good Arguments Are Spoiled By Some Fool Who Knows What He's Talking About (82)
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Do Not Meddle In The Affairs Of Dragons, For You Are Crunchy And Good With Catsup! (82)
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Doing Something Right The First Time Means Nobody Appreciates How Difficult It Was (82)
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How Do Most Men Define Marriage? A Very Expensive Way To Get You Laundry Done Free (82)
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If Going To Church Makes You A Christian, Does Going To A Pet Shop Make You A Dog? (82)
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It May Be That Your Sole Purpose In Life Is Simply To Serve As A Warning To Others (82)
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My Wife Says If I Go Fishing One More Time, She's Leaving. I'm Sure Gonna Miss Her (82)
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He Who Gives Up Liberty For A Little Security Deserves Neither. - Benjamin Franklin (83)
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Life Is Like A Dogsled Team... If You Ain't The Lead Dog, The Scenery Never Changes (83)
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Marriage Is Love. Love Is Blind. Therefore Marriage Is An Institution For The Blind (83)
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Beauty Is Truth, Truth Beauty, That Is All Ye Know On Earth, And All Ye Need To Know (84)
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Children Are A Great Comfort In Your Old Age; And They Help You Reach It Faster, Too (84)
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Consider The Lilies Of The Field, How They Grow; They Toil Not, Neither Do They Spin (84)
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Integrity Without Knowledge Is Useless, And Knowledge Without Integrity Is Dangerous (84)
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I've Done So Much With So Little For So Long That Now I Can Do Anything With Nothing (84)
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Men Are Like Coffee - The Best Ones Are Rich Warm And Can Keep You Up All Night Long (84)
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People Say I Have A Drinking Problem. I Drink, I Get Drunk, I Fall Down. No Problem! (84)
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The Last Time Somebody Listened To A Bush, Folks Wandered In The Desert For 40 Years (84)
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The Trouble With Being In The Rat Race Is That Even If You Win, You're Still A Rat. (84)
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The True Travelers Are Only Those Who Depart For The Sake Of Departing. - Baudelaire (84)
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There Is One Man Whom Fate Has Destined For Each Of Us. If We Miss Him, We Are Saved (84)
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Because we've never lied to you. Not today, anyway. Okay, definitely not since lunch. (85)
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If Torturing One Animal Is Cruelty, Why Is Torturing Many Animals Considered Science? (85)
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The United States Is In No Sense Founded Upon Christian Doctrine. - George Washington (85)
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Children Certainly Brighten Up A Home...Especially By Leaving The Lights On Everywhere (86)
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Count Among Your Blessings All The Colors, Beauties, And Splendors Of The Living Earth (86)
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Have You Ever Noticed That Bills Travel Through The Mail At Twice The Speed Of Checks? (86)
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Health Requires This Relaxation, This Aimless Life, This Life In The Present - Thoreau (86)
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I Have A Friendly Smile, An Understanding Ear, And A Big Hug For You, If You Want Them (86)
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I Know I Voted On A Butterfly Ballot, But How Come I Feel Like I Just Ingested A Pupa? (86)
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Marriage Is A Thing Which Puts A Ring On A Woman's Finger And Two Under The Man's Eyes (86)
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Men Are Like Bank Accounts - Without A Lot Of Money, They Don't Generate Much Interest (86)
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Men Are Like Chocolate Bars - Sweet, Smooth, And They Usually Head Right For Your Hips (86)
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The Greatest Luxury Of Being Rich Is That It Enables You To Escape So Much Good Advice (86)
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There Is One Woman Whom Fate Has Destined For Each Of Us. If We Miss Her, We Are Saved (86)
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Those Who Dream By Day Discover Many Things Which Escape Those Who Dream Only By Night (86)
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Warning: We Smokers Have Determined That Your Bitching May Be Hazardous To Your Health (86)
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A Happy Marriage Is A Matter Of Giving And Taking; The Husband Gives And The Wife Takes (87)
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And In The End, It's Not The Years In Your Life That Count. It's The Life In Your Years (87)
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If You Find Something You Like, Buy A Lifetime Supply, Because They Will Stop Making It (87)
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There Is Nothing In Which People More Reveal Their Character Than In What They Laugh At (87)
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A Man's Reputation Is What Other People Think Of Him; His Character Is What He Really Is (88)
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Campaign Spending: $184,000,000. Having Your Little Brother Rig The Election: Priceless! (88)
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Do You Know What They Call A Woman Who Knows Where Her Husband Is Every Night? - A Widow (88)
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If You Love Something, Set It Free....If It Doesn't Come Back, Hunt It Down And Kill It! (88)
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I'm From Minnesota, Where We Have All Four Seasons... Winter, Winter, Winter, And Aug 15 (88)
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John Kerry Won't Just Take A Stand On The Tough Issues - He'll Take Two Or Three Of Them (88)
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To Accomplish Great Things, You Must Not Only Act, But Dream; Not Only Plan, But Believe (88)
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John Kerry: When you absolutely, positively HAVE to lose the war on terrorism overnight! (89)
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You Are What You Eat, But I'm Not One To Brood. The Minute I Heard It, I Ate Pretty Food! (89)
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It Is Good To Have An End To Journey Toward; But It Is The Journey That Matters, In The End (91)
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Sex Is Like Pizza: When It's Good It's Really Good And When It's Bad It's Still Pretty Good (91)
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When The Bosses Talk About Improving Productivity, They Are Never Talking About Themselves. (91)
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When We Are Unable To Find Tranquility Within Ourselves, It Is Useless To Seek It Elsewhere (91)
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Both Of My Marriages Have Been Disappointing. My First Wife Left Me And My Second One Didn't (92)
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I Don't Want To Achieve Immortality Through My Work...I Want To Achieve It Through Not Dying (92)
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After Any Salary Raise, You Will Have Less Money At The End Of The Month Than You Did Before. (93)
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Law Of Probability Dispersal: Whatever It Is That Hits The Fan Will Not Be Evenly Distributed (93)
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Nearly All Men Can Stand Adversity, But If You Want To Test A Man's Character, Give Him Power (93)
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A Diplomat Is Someone Who Can Tell You To Go To Hell And Make You Feel Happy To Be On Your Way (94)
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Those Who Believe Money Will Do Everything May Well Be Suspected Of Doing Everything For Money (94)
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When A Man Holds A Woman's Hand Before Marriage, It's Love. After Marriage, It's Self-Defense! (94)
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You Have The Right To Remain Silent. Anything You Say Will Be Misquoted, Then Used Against You (94)
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You're Under Too Much Stress When You Wake Up Screaming And You Haven't Even Fallen Asleep Yet (94)
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Exercise Is Bunk. If You Are Healthy, You Don't Need It: If You Are Sick, You Shouldn't Take It (95)
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The Last Person That Quit Or Was Fired Will Be Held Responsible For Everything That Goes Wrong. (95)
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The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes they would not be caught dead in otherwise. (95)
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I Can Please Only One Person Per Day. Today Is Not Your Day. Tomorrow Isn't Looking Good Either. (96)
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I Only Work Here Because I've Become Accustomed To Certain Luxuries... Eating And Living Indoors (96)
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Light Travels Faster Than Sound. This Is Why Some People Appear Bright Until You Hear Them Speak (96)
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Men Are Like Newborn Babies - They're Cute At First, But You Get Tired Of Cleaning Up Their Crap (96)
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If You Can Keep Your Head When All Around Are Losing Theirs You Have Failed To Grasp The Situation (98)
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When A Man Has A Birthday He Takes A Day Off, But When A Woman Has A Birthday She Takes A Year Off (98)
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Eventually Children Stop Asking Where They Came From And Start Refusing To Tell Where They're Going (99)
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I Loathe People Who Keep Dogs. They Are Cowards Who Haven't Got The Guts To Bite People Themselves. (99)
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If Only God Would Give Me Some Clear Sign... Like Making A Large Deposit In My Name At A Swiss Bank (99)
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If You Are Good, You Will Be Assigned All The Work. If You Are Really Good, You Will Get Out Of It. (99)
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A Man Sooner Or Later Discovers That He Is The Master-Gardener Of His Soul, The Director Of His Life (100)
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It Doesn't Matter What You Do; It Only Matters What You Say You've Done And What You're Going To Do. (100)
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Marriage Is An Institution In Which A Man Loses His Bachelor's Degree And The Woman Gets Her Masters (100)
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Men Are Like Floor Tiles - If You Lay Them Right The First Time, You Can Walk All Over Them For Years (101)
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There Is One Thing Stronger Than All The Armies In The World, And That Is An Idea Whose Time Has Come (101)
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Those Who Cast The Votes Decide Nothing. Those Who Count The Votes Decide Everything. - Joseph Stalin (101)
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People Will Accept Your Ideas Much More Readily If You Tell Them That Benjamin Franklin Said It First. (102)
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Pregnant For 9 Months, In Labor For 2 Days, Breast Feeding For 6 Months, And All My Kid Says Is Da-Da! (102)
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I Want To Die In My Sleep Like My Grandfather, Not Screaming And Yelling Like The Passengers In His Car (103)
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If Someone With Multiple Personalities Threatens To Kill Himself, Is It Considered A Hostage Situation? (103)
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Eat One Live Toad The First Thing In The Morning And Nothing Worse Will Happen To You The Rest Of The Day. (106)
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Father's Day Is The Day When Father Goes Broke Giving His Family Money So They Can Surprise Him With Gifts (106)
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At Work, The Authority Of A Person Is Inversely Proportional To The Number Of Pens That Person Is Carrying. (107)
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5% Of The World's People Consume A Third Of Its Resources And Make Nearly Half The Waste. That 5% Is The USA (108)
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Before I Got Married I Had Four Theories About Bringing Up Children; Now I Have Four Children And No Theories (109)
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It Doesn't Matter Where You Go In Life, Or What You Acquire; It's Who You Have Beside You That Really Matters (109)
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It Will Be A Great Day When Our Schools Get All The Money They Need And The Air Force Has To Hold A Bake Sale (109)
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Be Not Too Hasty To Trust Or Admire The Teachers Of Morality: They Discourse Like Angels But They Live Like Men (111)
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The World Is So Full Of A Number Of Things, I'm Sure We Should All Be As Happy As Kings. - Robert Lewis Stevenson (113)
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There Will Always Be Beer Cans Rolling On The Floor Of Your Car When The Boss Asks For A Ride Home From The Office. (115)
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Give A Man A Fish And He Has Food For A Day - Teach Him How To Fish And He Will Sit In A Boat And Drink Beer All Day (116)
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Men Are Like Snow Storms - You Never Know When They're Coming, How Many Inches You’Ll Get Or How Long They Will Last (116)
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Never Give Up On A Dream Just Because Of The Length Of Time It Will Take To Accomplish It. The Time Will Pass Anyway (116)
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People Are More Violently Opposed To Fur Than Leather Because It's Easier To Harass Rich Women Than Motorcycle Gangs (116)
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Give A Man A Fish And He Has Food For A Day - Teach Him How To Fish And You Can Get Rid Of Him For The Entire Weekend (117)
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The Mind, Once Expanded To The Dimensions Of A Larger Idea, Never Returns To Its Original Size. - Oliver Wendell Holmes (119)
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A Censor Will Take A Good Story About A Bad Girl And By The Time He Gets Done With It, It's A Bad Story About A Good Girl (121)
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Some Families Can Trace Their Ancestors Back Three Hundred Years, But Can't Tell You Where Their Children Were Last Night (121)
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Henceforth I Whimper No More, Postpone No More, Need Nothing... Strong And Content, I Travel The Open Road. - Walt Whitman (122)
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Men Are Like Parking Spots - The Good Ones Are Already Taken And The Ones That Are Left Are Handicapped Or Extremely Small (122)
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Climb The Mountains And Get Their Good Tidings. Nature's Peace Will Flow Into You As Sunshine Flows Into Trees. - John Muir (123)
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Marriage Requires A Man To Prepare 4 Types Of "Rings": The Engagement Ring, The Wedding Ring, The Suffe-Ring, The Endu-Ring (123)
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Destiny Is Not A Matter Of Chance, It Is A Matter Of Choice. It Is Not A Thing To Be Waited For, It Is A Thing To Be Achieved (125)
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I'm Tired Of All This Nonsense About Beauty Being Only Skin Deep. That's Deep Enough. What Do You Want, An Adorable Pancreas? (125)
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Children Make Love Stronger, Days Shorter, Nights Longer, The Home Happier, The Past Forgotten, And The Future Worth Living For (127)
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Any Man Who Is Under 30, And Is Not A Liberal, Has No Heart; And Any Man Who Is Over 30, And Is Not A Conservative, Has No Brains (129)
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As Long As We Have Memories, Yesterday Remains. As Long As We Have Hope, Tomorrow Awaits. As Long As We Have Friendship, Today Is Beautiful (139)
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It Does Me No Injury For My Neighbor To Say There Are Twenty Gods Or No God. It Neither Picks My Pocket Nor Breaks My Leg. - Thomas Jefferson (141)
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If Drugs Were The Problem, Emergency Rooms Would Be Swamped With Overdose Victims. Instead, They're Swamped With Gunshot Victims. Legalize Now! (143)
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A Rich Man's Display Of Generosity Is Like A Dog Walking On His Hind Legs... It Is Rarely Done Well, But We Are Still Surprised To Find It Done At All (150)
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It Is An Infantile Superstition Of The Human Spirit That Virginity Would Be Thought A Virtue And Not The Barrier That Separates Ignorance From Knowledge (152)
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The Essential Purpose Is To Decide For Oneself What Is Of Genuine Value In Life. And Then To Find Courage To Take Your Own Thoughts Seriously. - Einstein (153)
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